what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
