Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
