You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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