best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
