Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
