wanna go halves on a baby?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
