Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
