apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
