I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i think im in europe. pls send help
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
