what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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