blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
