I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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