I got chris browned last night
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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