i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
