I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
