I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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