I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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