I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
organizing the empties. That sober.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
