yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
