my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
