ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
