Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
