Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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