Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
