I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
