my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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