eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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