i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
