Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
