Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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