Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
