Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm bleeding and have questions
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
