If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
