haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
