my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I will be naked everywhere
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
