I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have tasted many bathrooms
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
