Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
