so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Found your dick twin last night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
