Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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