Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Randomize
