Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
