that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
