I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
