I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
