Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
