I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
