I'm so fucking centered right now
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
