I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
