The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The best revenge is premature balding
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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