How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Even the bartender felt bad for me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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