I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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