When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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